Pet Loss and Children I
For many children, their first real experience with loss occures when their their beloved pet dies. When this happens, children need love, consolation, support and affection. They don’t need complicated medical or scientific explanations.
Children’s reaction to death will depend on their age and maturity levels. Children 3-5 years view death as temporary and potentially reversible. Ages 6-8 children have begun to develop a more realistic understanding of the nature and consequences of death. But it is generally not until children reach 9 that they fully understand that death is permanent and final. For this reason very young children should be told when a pet dies that it stops moving, that it doesn’t see or hear anymore, and it won’t wake up again. They may need to have this repeated several times before they understand.
There are many ways parents can explain the death of a pet to a child. It is helpful to make the child as comfortable as possible first, and then use a soothing voice, and tell them in a familiar setting. It is also very important to be honest, using vague or inaccurate information can creat anxiety, confusion and mistrust.
One simple way to help a child say “good-bye” to their lost friend is to create tribute to the pet from each of the family members. You may have small children draw pictures of the good times they had together. Older children can write down phrases of what the pet meant to them. Adults and write down a farewell tribute, a poem about the memories they cherish, or even an Ode to the family pet. Compile all of these tributes in a scrapbook along with photographs you have of your pet and your children. Set up a special place for the “memorials” you have created where you can see them often. You may also want to have a Pet Memorial etched onto marble or granite to display on your fireplace mantle or family room end table. It will bring you a lifetime of memories that you and your children will enjoy together.